人在路途，东奔西走。有的平顺，有的颠簸，有的得意，有的彷徨。也许手举奖杯迈上领奖台的一刻，高声欢呼；或是肩背行囊走在登顶的路上，几步趔趄；还是怀揣文件去往会议的途中，心有不安。
都需要平复自己的心跳。屏息一刻忘记琐事烦恼，全心全意品味这一瞬间——管它是胜利的喜悦，付出的艰辛，劳累的汗水或是开心的泪水——是这些回味无穷的瞬间成就了精彩的人生。 
正因为如此，此时此地，在去往不同目的地途中的我们，才更应当为自己而骄傲自豪。一直的努力拼搏，会换来自我的铸就；每一个人，都是自己的英雄。
所以，敬过天地后，请敬这位英雄；为自己干杯。

Walking down the stretching road, some bumpy some smooth. May it be the podium steps that lead to glory, may it be the final rush to the peak, or simply turning the last corner before entering the meeting hall; butterfly in the stomach.
Have to calm the heart beat and hold breath, in order to taste the sore, joy, tear and laughter that lays beneth those moments, the genuine flashes of selves, that made it such a wonderful ride.
Then, at that procise point, it is time for a wild celebration, of hardship, of toughness, of self-achieving; for each of us is our own hero.
A toast then is called for. Not to heavn or earth, nor to somebody else; but to yourself.

从今天开始，不需要那么多废话了。是与不是，成与不成，都摆在这里。

Met my limits so quickly I'm too embarrassed to admit. Yes I want to change, to evolve, to become; I just need to regain control of my poorly constructed self-confidence.
And that wasn't an easy task. I've gotten used to retreating into my little world of fantasies whenever difficulty comes my way, so much so I almost forgot how to just dive in and fight. Almost.
Fighting myself, for myself.

Wait and see, 等着瞧。

我猜想我应当满心感激，感激一切还没有坠到无底深渊。

不论怎么克制，怎么伪装，怎么愚钝怎么不在状况，人最终都会有被冲动所侵占的那一刻。那冲动可能是隐藏已久的，可能是突然觉醒的，可能是善意的可能是目的的；但动机起因在结果面前一文不值。结果就是，you've made a mess。

Wrong doing out of good will is such a cliche, yet one gets caught in the middle of the turmoil so very easilly. Incidents, coincidents, accidents.
Although looking back, there's always that one fraction of a second when the decision was made, one move that ruined everything from thenon. And it just plays on in memory, again and again. In drama it's called climax, where story begins to be interesting; in real life it's called the f*** up.
So yeah, a major f*** up on my part.

Look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone.

一念之差，本就可以沧海桑田。

这个春节, 我退还收到的压岁钱, 夹开吃不下的饭菜, 放下不安的心情. 过一个平静的春节.

记忆中, 印象里, 春节不应当是这样的, 隔壁客厅传来扭曲了的剪辑过了的干瘪掌声, 窗外楼宇间回荡着炮仗在空旷中爆炸的残响. 这不是我想要的春节. 然而那些三世同堂挤在圆桌前笑闹到午夜的日子不会再出现了.
那我宁可不要这奇怪的喜庆节日. 让我安安静静的度过嘈杂的一夜, 第二天毫无异常的起床, 洗漱, 出门.

I hate the spring fest gala. I hate firecrackers. None of the aforementioned statements were true 10 years ago. But no more digging into history. Now is now, this is my new methodology.
So I want it to be just another day, when everybody just happened to feel like lighting up tons of fireworks; CCTV does broadcast shitty programs everyday though. Not to make a statement, but to keep peace within, to not be disturbed.

I am calm.
平静的度过春节.

不知怎的想起黄韵玲的<春暖花开>。但2010不是艳阳天。一年来的春旱夏涝秋霜，都在这个冬天有了应验。

不会再念叨今年如何如何不顺遂，希望来年如何如何运势。此时此刻我想的是：我要变得更强。我要知道在哪里伸须，在哪里绕藤，我要知道如何绽放。
我要创造自己的幸福，不要任何人来施舍。

2011年，我收拾好凌乱的心情了。放马过来。